


Affective Touch

by breatherepeat



Series: The Healing Power of Touch [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Comforting Jesus (Walking Dead), Developing Relationship, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Little Shit Jesus (Walking Dead), M/M, Massage, Psychological Trauma, Repressed Memories, Sexual Content, Stubborn Daryl Dixon, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:00:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25373548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breatherepeat/pseuds/breatherepeat
Summary: Continuation of Touch
Relationships: Daryl Dixon/Jesus
Series: The Healing Power of Touch [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1496276
Comments: 16
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

It was one of those days that the heat made everything sticky and gross. 

The wet air felt heavy on your skin and it was almost impossible to be around others. 

The weather had been warm for the past few days and everyone was getting at each other’s throats. 

People typically got on Daryl’s nerves, but with the bickering, it was too much for Daryl. 

He was used to the heat. Growing up poor in Georgia meant that you learned to adjust and accept the heat quickly. 

Actually, everything in Daryl’s upbringing meant that you had to learn to adjust and accept quickly to survive. 

Jesus understood that. He also had to learn to adjust and adapt to his surroundings, and accept the fact that life was shit. 

Maybe that was why, out of everyone that Daryl had met in his life since the world turned, or maybe even since he had been on this earth, Jesus was the only person that he could stand to be around right now. 

“Love the sunshine.” Jesus said to no one in particular even though it was just Daryl and him out near the lake by the treehouse. “Let it rain down on me.” 

“Sangin’ not needed.” Daryl said with a muted grin as he shifted in his spot laying on a fallen log near the water. Opening his eyes, he looked toward the source of the noise and swallowed almost painfully at the sight. 

Jesus was lying in the grass near the water’s edge as bare as the day he was born. His hands were behind his head, his eyes closed, and his legs crossed at the ankle. 

Daryl took in the sight for a bit longer and then turned his eyes away. He had already memorized the sight of Jesus’ naked body, but he still liked looking at it. 

Maybe too much. Now he shifted because his pants began to feel a bit tight. 

Jesus heard the change in Daryl’s breathing and knew he had seen him. Jesus undressed while Daryl had his eyes closed and knew it was only a matter of time before Daryl realized that Jesus was sunbathing naked. 

Unlike Daryl, who was laid on a large log in his dirty boots, thick jeans, and raggedy cut off shirt. The shirt had a picture of a motorbike or a dog on it, Jesus wasn’t sure because the picture was faded so much. 

Jesus would love for Daryl to show the same sense of abandon and lie with him in the sun. 

Or better yet, lie on top of him in the sun. 

The communities were still working together for the common good. There was a group that was attempting to intimidate them into giving up resources with little in return, but for the most part, life was peaceful. 

The missing boy had been found a few miles away. He had wandered off on his own in the night and gotten himself lost. Thankfully, he had the wherefore all to know how to feed himself and keep himself safe. 

Now with the heat, there wasn’t much to do besides suffer through it and hope for a day that they could work without sweating themselves to dehydration. 

Daryl and Jesus told the others that they were hunting for supplies. The third time that week. 

Jesus figured that most people were starting to suspect that there was something more going on between them. 

Daryl really did not give it any thought at all. 

“I like sangin’.” Jesus mocked Daryl’s accent as he stretched his body as long as it could go and then lifted himself up to rest on his elbows. His nether regions were finally tanning and not burning. His upper body already had a tan, but below his waist, he had been as white as a water lily. 

The first time he sunbathed in the nude, he burned his nuts and had to walk extra carefully. They had only just began to feel better the other day. 

Daryl laughed the loudest Jesus had ever heard him laugh when he saw him the first time with red, blistered balls. 

But, once he realized how painful it was, Daryl helped him by rubbing aloe on the blisters. 

Daryl’s hands were tentative on him, as gentle as Jesus had ever seen him be, but the best part was that Daryl stayed aware the whole time. 

“Don’t mean you have’ta do it.” Daryl opened his eyes and found Jesus looking down at himself. He wasn’t red anymore and his dick was starting to match the tan on his stomach. Daryl could see the sweat slowly sliding down Jesus’ chest to his stomach and had to look away before his pants got tighter. 

As their relationship developed more, dealing with tight pants was becoming more of a problem. 

Jesus slept with him now. 

Almost every night, at least every night that they could. He had seen Jesus in many states of dress and undress. Jesus had rubbed himself against Daryl on more than one occasion, and Daryl had remained conscious for the majority of the time. 

But, he still blanked at the most inconvenient moments and Daryl did not feel like losing time today. Not when they needed to find something to bring back to the community or their cover would be completely blown. Three runs without nothing to show for it, that wasn’t like them. 

Closing his eyes, Daryl wondered if they went further south if they would run into the warehouse he had seen on one of his expeditions with Aaron. 

Jesus took his opportunity to move closer to Daryl. The log was high enough off the ground that Jesus could keep his full height and reach Daryl’s chest without bending over. 

Jesus smiled as he had his hand hovering over Daryl’s chest. He knew that Daryl knew he was there. Daryl was the most hypersensitive person he had ever met. Daryl could feel others around him even without sight. 

And Jesus knew that Daryl trusted him and Jesus had permission to touch him anywhere on the chest now. 

Jesus still needed to ask if it was anywhere else, or if Daryl was having an off day, but Jesus did not take advantage of the trust Daryl had given him. He knew how special it was that Daryl was opening himself up around Jesus. 

“Touch me or go away. Blockin’ that sunshine.” Daryl teased with one eye half open. Just as he suspected, Jesus was stood with a shiteating grin on his face. “Might need ta put ya back on restrictions if ya don’t behave yourself.” 

“Oh, hogwash.” Jesus smiled and rested his hand on Daryl’s chest. Daryl moved his hand up from his stomach and rested it on top of Jesus’. Jesus wished Daryl would lower their hands to the obvious bulge in Daryl’s jeans, but he knew Daryl would never do something like that in such an open area. “You know I only want to make you feel good.” 

Daryl gave a slight nod in answer and opened his eyes the rest of the way. Jesus’ eyes were shiny and locked on him. It made him feel nervous, and excited all at the same time. Like Jesus could really see him underneath all the layers of protection he had built up over the years. Using his other hand, he took Jesus’ hand and moved to stand. Jesus was shorter than him and fit against him just right. 

The way Jesus fit against him made Daryl feel all sorts of wonderful things. 

But, there was still fear there. Maybe there would always be. 

“Want to go back to the treehouse? See if we can get that fan to work?” Jesus asked, stepping in closer to Daryl and feeling the heat radiating off of him. Wearing that many clothes in this heat must be killing him. “We can maybe take some of these clothes off you?” 

“Ain’t walkin’ ‘round naked out’here.” Daryl gently pushed at Jesus to get him to step back. It would be nice to get out of some of his clothes given the heat. He was not as proud as Jesus to walk around completely naked, even if it was only walkers that would see him. But, he could be persuaded to take off some clothes in the treehouse. Only Jesus could see him there. 

“One day.” Jesus smiled and turned away from Daryl to start putting on his pants. He was going to keep his shirt off for now, but wanted to be prepared in case they were to run into anyone, or thing, on the way to their secret hideout. 

“Ain’t no one day.” Daryl shook his head and started in the direction of the treehouse. He didn’t need to look behind him to know that Jesus was following him. “Clothes are important. Don’t want to be caught with ya pants down and a walker come ‘round and bite off that pecker.” 

“Especially mine, right?” Jesus teased as he looked down at his covered crotch with pride. “Mine is all nice and tan now.” 

“Shithead.” Daryl stopped right before the ladder leading up and waited for Jesus to go first. He wasn’t going to admit it out loud, but Jesus’ penis, tan or not, was one of the best sights he had ever seen. 

“Love you too.” Jesus smirked down at Daryl as he reached the top. Turning his attention to the door, he pushed it to the side and made his way through. Daryl followed him soon afterward. 

Daryl secured the latch and turned to find Jesus staring at him. There was want in Jesus’ eyes and Daryl had to look away. Fuck, the tightness in his pants was beginning to hurt. 

He hadn’t needed to count in the past few weeks, but he felt himself searching for a number to start with to keep himself present. 

Jesus heard the soft count and took his intense gaze off Daryl. Walking to the couch, he put his shirt on and waited for Daryl to join him.

Thankfully, the treehouse was mostly in the shade and the temperature inside was a few degrees cooler than outside. However, it would be nice if they could figure out how to get the fan to work. It appeared to have a solar pad, but it must be worn or broken. It did not take in energy as it should to keep the fan moving at a speed that did much besides give it some movement. 

“Why’d you do that?” Daryl gestured to Jesus’ shirt with two fingers. He liked Jesus without a shirt and even with the painful tightness in his pants, Daryl did not want him to put it back on. Taking off his own shirt, Daryl sat facing Jesus on the sofa. The counting must be making him feel brave. 575. 

“Oh, so it is like that?” Jesus grinned and pulled his shirt off over his head. Moving his hands through his hair, he put it back so it was high on the back of his head. “Can I come closer? Or do you-”

Daryl narrowed the gap between them quicker than he intended and soon he had the wonderful pressure of Jesus’ body pushing him into the sofa. His hands stayed on Jesus’ shoulders for a few more seconds until he loosened his grip. 533.

“Can we?” Jesus recovered from the swift change in positions and moved his head up toward Daryl’s. Jesus knew Daryl knew what he was asking and Daryl answered him with a kiss. 

Daryl had gotten good at kissing in the past few weeks as well. Or maybe Jesus was just biased because he was the one that Daryl was kissing. 

Jesus tasted like the fruit he ate for lunch. The same fruit that Jesus shared with Daryl as they hiked out into their area of the woods. Somehow it tasted sweeter on Jesus’ tongue than it did when Daryl ate it. 

Jesus felt himself respond to the kiss and Daryl moving himself against him. It was hot and their chests moved against one another with the slick of their sweat. Jesus felt like maybe he would lose time as well. 

498\. Daryl’s hands moved down Jesus’ back and he groaned loudly into Jesus’ mouth as he felt the firmness of Jesus’ ass in his hands. He wanted more but he didn’t know how to ask. Or what even to ask for. 

“Our pants.” Jesus panted into Daryl’s mouth as he felt Daryl’s hands on his ass and heard Daryl’s sounds move through the small space of the treehouse. “Can we. Can we. Move them?” 

Daryl heard Jesus talking but it was from a distance and he couldn’t understand what it meant. 456. Daryl pushed himself up into Jesus and he held him down against him. There were three seconds of absolute bliss and then darkness. 

Jesus felt Daryl come and heard the sounds increase until there was nothing. The strong pressure of Daryl’s hands fell away and Jesus knew he was gone again. 

Moving away from him, Jesus stood as he tried to find his breathing. He was still hard but it felt wrong to stay on Daryl given his state. 

Sitting in the chair near the couch, Jesus quickly undid the zipper of his pants and his hand did the rest of the work. 

Resting his head against the back of the chair, Jesus allowed his breathing to return to normal. The air was still heavy around him and now it smelled like sex. 

After a few minutes, Jesus stood up to clean himself and tidy up the area. 

When he was finished, Jesus took the book he had been reading off the shelf and sat back in the chair to wait for Daryl to come back to him.


	2. Chapter 2

Daryl never told Aaron about Jesus or about himself, but somehow, Aaron knew. 

Aaron knew and he treated it like anything else he learned about Daryl. 

There was no long discussion or talk about “emotions” like it was with Rick, Maggie, and Carol. 

Aaron saw the book before Daryl burnt it. It was by accident when they went on a run together. It was late at night and Daryl was on watch. He had a basic understanding of the written word and he was going through page by page to see which words he knew. He would underline them and then try to piece together the rest. 

Aaron saw him from a distance, hunched over, reading the book and asked him about it before Daryl realized he was being watched. Aaron prided himself on startling Daryl because it had never happened before due to Daryl’s keen sense of his surroundings. 

Daryl shrugged it off and threw the book and the pen into the small fire in front of him. “Just’a stupid book.” 

“Must have been stupid to burn it like that.” Aaron gave him a friendly smile and sat across from him, with the burning fire as a natural barrier. He would have sat closer, but it looked like Daryl needed space at the moment. “I don’t read as much as I did. Before, I mean.” 

Daryl shrugged his right shoulder and tossed his hair back out of his face with the back of his hand. Daryl never read before the world went to shit. Being outside and engaged in a project was more relaxing to him than sitting and trying to figure out what was on the page. Third grade was a long time ago and, even then, most days he was absent. 

Teachers ask too many questions when students show up with dirty clothes and bruises. 

Not that the police gave a shit about him. He was just another piece of white trash that was thrown away a long time ago. 

Aaron sat back to stretch his back and got lost looking up at the lights in the sky. They had been walking all day, but even then his body was not tired. Likely still keyed up from the group of walkers they had fought off right before settling in this spot for the night. 

Aaron took in a few deep breaths and was about to comment on the stillness of the night when Daryl spoke and interpreted the silence. 

“Had a word in there.” Daryl brushed back the hair that fell back into his face as he looked into the flames of the fire. He had written the word down on a piece of paper and it was still in his vest pocket. He planned to look it up if he ever found a dictionary. But maybe Aaron could tell him what it meant.“Ain’t never heard of it.” 

“Oh, yeah.” Aaron decided he would play along. Daryl didn’t offer much when asked questions but he would provide information in pieces if you just let him talk. “I hate it when I don’t understand what a word means. Especially in those medical books back at the site.” 

“That stupid book was fill of fancy words.” Daryl shifted in his spot and swore under his breath as his left shoulder smarted. “Could barely read them they were so long.” 

Aaron didn’t give a verbal response but he nodded his head in understanding. He noticed how Daryl was favoring his left shoulder but he had his head almost bit off early when he had mentioned it to him. 

“You ever heard of it? It was...” Daryl rubbed at his left shoulder and gave a narrow glare when he saw Aaron make a face at him. Just because the bastard was right about his shoulder being messed up didn’t mean Daryl was going to apologize for when Aaron suggested he get it looked at. No one was going to touch him. “Fuck off, never mind.” 

“I didn’t say anything.” Aaron smiled at him and then decided Daryl might think he was making fun of him so he dropped the smile. “Honestly, it is your body, do what you want with it.” 

“Con-sent.” Daryl said the word that he saw referenced multiple times throughout the book that was burning in the flames. The book was not recognizable anymore, but Daryl didn’t care. He got what he needed out of the book and attempting to figure out anything else would only frustrate him more. 

The only ‘con’ Daryl ever heard of was people that came back from prison. 

“Kinda. More like free will.” Aaron lied back onto the ground. The area was grassy and it felt nice by the fire. Maybe he could sleep there instead of the tree he had been resting against. 

“No. That word.” Daryl watched as Aaron lied back and wondered if he was going to sleep there. Daryl didn’t mind, but it would be easier than trying to watch him by the tree he was sat by before. 

Aaron wondered what type of book Daryl was reading. Based on what he knew about Daryl, he figured it was a hunting or motorcycle book. “Consent is when you give permission for someone to do something. Like a type of service. I would give consent for someone to enter my land and hunt on it.” 

Fuck, Daryl thought. That made sense and Daryl felt upset by the fact he didn’t realize it sooner. Before he could stop himself, Daryl asked, “It also mean permission to do somethin’ with your body?”

“Yes. It is illegal to touch someone without consent.” Aaron turned his eyes to find Daryl and found the lost expression on his face. Daryl was mumbling something under his breath and pushing into the back of his left shoulder. If he were anyone else, Aaron would have asked if he was okay, but he knew better with Daryl.

The conversation was dropped after that and Aaron fell asleep while Daryl kept watch, repeatedly counting out as he put pressure onto his shoulder to stay aware. 

******* 

“You know, I am shit at this but I thought I had it this time.” Aaron laughed as he stood to the side of Daryl crouched down on the ground in front of the motorbike Aaron was “working” on. It was mainly just an excuse to get out of the house and to have Daryl come over without directly asking him to hang out. 

Aaron liked Daryl. He was rough around the edges, but he had a vulnerable side to him. Especially around children, as Aaron saw first hand when his daughter all but fell asleep the moment Daryl picked her up. She had cried all afternoon and there was no soothing for her. At least, he thought. 

Daryl snorted and stood with the part in his hand. Holding it out to Aaron, Daryl offered, “This, don’t go there.” 

“Okay.” Aaron leaned against the stack of tires next to him. “Where does it go?” 

“This is for the carburetor.” Daryl referenced the part again and then used his other hand to point to where that was on the bike. “Not for the suspension.” 

“Hey, it looked like the other one there.” Aaron laughed and watched as Daryl put the part where it needed to go. 

Daryl seemed relaxed for a lack of a better word. He knew that Daryl and Jesus were spending more time together and he was curious to know what they were doing with their time. It was easy to see that the two were fond of one another. 

In fact, there was a red mark on Daryl’s neck that would suggest they were quite fond of one another. 

“Doesn’t mean it goes there.” Daryl stood and wiped his hands onto his jeans. They were already dirty from the day spent shifting through crap in the abandoned warehouse. He and Jesus were able to find a few things, but they got distracted and spent the majority of their time pressed against each other. 

********

Jesus had pulled his hair back and took off his overcoat and it was like a signal that went straight to Daryl’s pants. Daryl fought through it for a few minutes but when he turned and Jesus was looking back at him, Daryl gave in. 

Jesus’ lips didn’t taste sweet but they were the best taste in the world. Daryl never knew why people obsessed so much with kissing before he started doing it with Jesus. 

Daryl had no idea what he was doing, but he knew that it felt good to push his tongue against Jesus’ tongue and that when Jesus bit at his lip, the pain was almost magic because it made him moan. 

“Can I-” Jesus tried to ask when he moved away for a quick breath, but Daryl took his lips back before he could ask if Daryl’s shirt could come off. Jesus had permission to touch him there, but he did not have permission to take the shirt off without asking. 

Daryl kept kissing as he pulled at the top of the back of his shirt. He had the shirt off and Jesus’ lips back on him before Jesus even knew they were gone. 

Jesus liked that Daryl knew what he wanted and spread his hands out across Daryl’s chest. Daryl was breathing hard and he could feel him pressing against his stomach. Knowing that they needed air, Jesus kissed his way to Daryl’s neck and put his focus on sucking there. 

Daryl felt out of control and lost at what to do with it all. Jesus was right there and he wanted everything, but he didn’t know how to ask. 

Finding Jesus’ left hand, he moved it from the top of his chest to the swell in his jeans and used his hand to hold it there. He wanted more but Jesus squeezed tight and that was enough. Daryl lost his breath as he came and only faded for a few seconds before he was back. Or so he thought.

“Sorry.” Daryl panted as he lost his footing and fell into Jesus, with Jesus holding them both up until Daryl felt like he could stand again. His brain was stuck on the fact that he grabbed Jesus’ hand without asking and now he couldn’t stand up right on his own. “Sorry. Sorry.” 

“It is okay.” Jesus pushed back Daryl’s hair and kissed his ear, holding him close in case Daryl’s body betrayed him. “Four hundred and seventy-six.” 

“Brain cannot work.” Daryl felt the haze behind his eyes and he fought through it. He was sick of this shit. He was going to stay aware. He was going to make himself. Because this felt too good to tune out of and it was just Jesus. He could trust him. “No numbers.” 

Jesus ignored the hardness in his pants and stayed close to Daryl, giving him even pressure on his bare back and talking into his ear words of encouragement. “All good. It’s fine. Stay with me. I’m right here.” 

It took awhile, but Daryl was able to stand up on his own and he stayed awake the whole time. The haze behind his eyes didn’t win this time. 

“Did you?” Daryl asked, looking down at Jesus’ crotch. He wasn’t sure if Jesus had went with him or not. 

There was no mistake that Jesus was still hard and Daryl felt the urge to use his mouth there. But how do you ask that? The last time he was down there, he could barely think. He didn’t know what to do, so he smelled the most intimate part of him. Jesus came soon afterward and then Daryl went blank. Then woke up and ran away because who does that? Who smells someone and licks the come off their skin and blanks out?

“No, but it is okay.” Jesus pressed the heel of his hand against himself and waited for it to go away. He would much rather celebrate that Daryl had stayed with him the whole time rather than chance ruining it by doing anything further. “It will go away.” 

Daryl shook his head and bit at the inside of his lip. That wasn’t fair. Daryl knew it hurt if he didn’t do something about his own erections. If he were brave, he would tell him to undo his pants and Daryl would take him in his mouth. If Jesus’ lips were sweet, what did his dick taste like? With his pulse fast in his ears, Daryl tried to tell him. “I want…” 

“What?” Jesus asked as Daryl went silent and didn’t finish his sentence. He knew he sounded breathless and that it really wasn’t fine, but he could survive. But, he also really wanted to know what Daryl wanted. 

Daryl couldn’t get the words out to ask to suck him, so he swallowed and all but whispered. “Can you touch yourself?” 

Jesus knew it wasn’t a good idea but his hands were already working his pants undone. His hand naturally took his hard dick in his hand and it was quick. He couldn’t last long with Daryl’s eyes focused on what he was doing and the fact that he was doing this in some abandoned warehouse, with who knows what potentially watching them. 

Jesus came onto his hand and Daryl had a thought about licking it off, but he took a few steps back to try to think again. This thing between him and Jesus was definitely getting harder. 

*****

“Staying for dinner?” Aaron asked casually. He knew Daryl would say yes but he wanted to act like he didn’t already know that. “I could make something.” 

Daryl nodded his head and went back to fixing Aaron’s fixing job. Maybe he would be brave and share what he was feeling with Aaron after dinner. 

Aaron brought the plates of food outside and they sat on the back porch. Quietly eating together while the wildlife and people around them settled in for the night. 

Daryl knew he should talk to Aaron about the thing going on between him and Jesus. 

Daryl couldn’t talk about it much with Rick. Rick had never been with a man and he wouldn’t know what it meant. 

Carol had been with a man, but not in the way Daryl wanted to be with a man. 

Aaron, from what Daryl had seen, had been with a man in the way that Daryl wanted to be with a man. 

Daryl felt stupid even asking him anything. He couldn’t ask Jesus this. Jesus already knew too much. Jesus shouldn’t have to teach him everything and also have to deal with the bullshit that surrounded it. 

“Jesus tastes good.” Daryl said from his spot looking out into the trees. There were no sounds of anyone around them that would care to listen. The neighbors had gone inside a while ago. 

“Looks like he thinks you taste good as well.” Aaron smiled into his drink. He was proud that Daryl was talking about this. “From the looks of your neck.” 

“He did that.” Daryl brushed the back of his hand against the mark and willed his heart rate to slow down. “Earlier today. We have been...doin’ stuff.” 

“I miss doing stuff with someone.” Aaron set down his drink and decided to be blunt with Daryl. It might be the only way they get through this conversation. “I haven’t had a dick inside me in a long time.” 

Daryl raised his chin and listened to the sound of a squirrel moving through the fallen leaves. Even though it was long off, the squirrel was preparing for winter. The squirrel knew to hide bits of food here and there. Protection from the long months without food. 

“You can ask me questions.” Aaron offered in an even tone. He kept his eyes off to the other side of the woods, giving Daryl a bit of privacy given the topic of conversation. “I have experience with having sex with men. It isn’t rocket science, but there are some quirks.” 

Daryl raised his chin again and nodded in Aaron’s direction without looking at him. Daryl wanted to ask so much, but he didn’t have the words. He decided to start in a different direction. One he thought Aaron would need to know about him. 

“I haven’t. Ever.” Daryl tightened his arms around his chest and pinched at the skin underneath his arm. It was enough pressure to even his heart rate to say the next part. “With consent.” 

Daryl confirmed something that Aaron had suspected for a while, but it still hurt his heart to hear Daryl confirm it. He didn’t need to get into details, but he figured that Daryl would appreciate some vulnerability of his own. 

“I had my first sexual encounter when I was fifteen years old. I knew that I liked boys back then, but I couldn’t do anything about it. There was this girl in my grade that liked me and we started hanging out. It was okay kissing her. We were both young and hardly knew anything.” Aaron fidgeted with the empty cup in his hand. “We went to a dance together. I was horrible. My two left feet kept stepping on hers and it was just awful. She was sweet about it, but I just knew I was hurting her feet. I left to use the bathroom to allow her feet time to heal. There were some older boys there. All bragging about what they were going to do with their dates later that night. I don’t know why, but for whatever reason I got the attention from one of the boys. His friends left and it was just us in the bathroom.” 

Daryl turned his attention to look in Aaron’s direction. He knew the part with an older boy staying behind in the bathroom was a bad start to the story. 

“He started teasing me because I couldn’t pee with them in there. Said something about me being a fag because I was too hard to pee.” Aaron rubbed at his forehead. It had been ages since he shared this story with anyone. “Anyway, he kept with the names and I went to leave. He grabbed me and pushed me into the wall. He unzipped, rubbed his penis all against my face, and then peed on me. It went on my face and my brand new shirt. My mother had bought me that shirt special because she was so happy I had a girlfriend.” 

Daryl pinched harder at the skin on the underside of his arm. 

“I was out of that bathroom as soon as he left. I left her there. I couldn’t go out there smelling like urine. She broke up with me. My mother yelled at me for ‘losing’ the new shirt.” Aaron swallowed and turned to face Daryl. He was looking back at him, with understanding in his eyes. “He thankfully graduated the next year and I didn’t need to see him again.” 

“Men are assholes.” Daryl said with no other explanation. 

“That wasn’t a man.” Aaron shook his head in disagreement. “A man is someone that looks at you like you are the most wonderful thing he has ever seen and he wants to make you feel good at all costs. A man is someone who asks you what you want and then cuddles you through the night. A man is someone who kisses you breathless and holds you while he pushes inside you, making sure you feel the best you ever have and then gives you more.” 

“Jesus is a man.” Daryl said before taking his eyes away. The squirrel had settled down and now there were the sounds of a child shouting for his mother in the distance. “I want to make sure I’m a man. I don’t want to hurt him.” 

“That is the first step in not hurting him. The second is talking to him. Do you talk about sex?” Aaron wanted to keep the conversation going but not push Daryl’s limits. “If he is a man, he will talk to you about this. Even the not so pleasant parts of sex.” 

“How does that work?” Daryl asked, pinching the skin until he felt the skin break. “How is that not a mess?” 

“It takes some preparation. It isn’t like in the movies when one just throws the other one down face first and presses into him. If someone did that, it would hurt and it could be a mess. In more ways than one.” Aaron was glad Daryl was asking him the not so pleasant questions about gay sex. “The most important part is communication. Talking with your partner and making sure you both want the same thing before you do something. If the other one doesn’t know what you are going to do, you might cross an imaginary line and it is hard to come back from that. And, you need to clean yourself, or he needs to clean himself, before any penetration.”

Daryl gave a quick nod to show that he was listening, but his eyes were on feet now. He felt himself slipping a bit and he made himself come back. Aaron had not seen him go and he really didn’t want to blank just from talking about this. 

“And lube, lots of lube and preparation. Nothing goes inside if someone is tense. Sometimes it is nice to kiss there and lick around. Some don’t like that and just use their fingers. Some use smaller toys first. Others, do it themselves to feel more comfortable. Condoms can help a bit with the mess. And some, don’t do anal at all. It is all about what you want. And what Jesus wants. But you have to talk about it.” Aaron finished and found Daryl had his eyes down. He looked like he was breathing a bit heavier as well. 

“Toys?” Daryl asked in shock. He was not going to use no toys. Jesus wouldn’t want to do that, would he? What the hell did that even mean? People stick toy guns or something up their ass? Nope. He wasn’t consenting to that. 

“Yes, some like to use them on themselves as well.” Aaron said with a wink. “Easier than trying to find a decent man out there. Too bad Jesus snatched you up.” 

“Fuck off.” Daryl said with a laugh. Aaron was a friend. Not quite family and he didn’t make his stomach flutter like Jesus did. He didn’t make Daryl want to force himself to work through whatever he needed to to touch him. 

“Hey, don’t hurt my feelings now.” Aaron laughed with him. “I have been told I’m quite the catch.” 

“Just don’t think of ya like that, is all.” Daryl rubbed at the patch underneath his arm. “You’re a friend.” 

“Well, now I am your friend you can come to with all your gay sex questions.” Aaron stood and raised his cup. “Your friend needs another drink. You game or do you need to go back to your man?” 

“Stop it.” Daryl stood with Aaron and pushed against his arm as he passed him on the way back inside the house. Daryl waited until Aaron filled up his cup again before he found the courage to ask. “What kind of toys?” 

“I would show you, but I think that crosses a line that I’m not comfortable with.” Aaron wondered if Daryl would ever be able to look at him in the eyes again if he showed him his collection. “Let’s just say, dick shaped toys are a good substitute for a dick.” 

“Oh.” Daryl looked down into the liquid of his drink and couldn’t get the image of someone trying to stick a toy gun up their ass. “I ain’t doing that.” 

“And, you don’t have to.” Aaron finished his drink in one swallow. “Seriously, talk to Jesus about this. It is normal. If he is half as great as everyone says, he has been waiting to have this talk with you.” 

“More than great.” Daryl said looking up and setting his drink down on the kitchen counter. As he left, Daryl called over his shoulder, “Stop messin’ up that bike.”

On his walk home, he wondered if Jesus had lube.


	3. Chapter 3

Jesus woke to Daryl crawling into the bed. It was common for them to go to bed together, but that night Daryl had gone to Aaron’s house to help him with a motorcycle issue. Jesus had worked out and then read more of the book he had been reading in secret. After a few minutes of reading the dense book, his eyes were closing on their own and he decided he couldn’t wait for Daryl to return to rest. 

Daryl’s arm moved around his bare stomach and he pulled Jesus back close to him. Daryl’s grip on him was strong despite his shaking hands. As Daryl’s face pressed into his neck, Jesus smelled the alcohol on him. 

“You and Aaron spend all night drinking or something?” Jesus asked softly as he covered Daryl’s hand with his own to help with the trembling. Jesus’ voice betrayed how tired he was, but he was willing to engage Daryl’s wandering hands if Daryl was not too drunk. 

Daryl pressed his face in harder to Jesus’ neck and his grip tightened on his stomach to the point it started to hurt. “Ease up a bit. Let me turn around and I can lie on you.” 

Daryl liked pressure and Jesus lying on him typically would help soothe whatever demon was running through Daryl’s head. Daryl stayed aware best with a bit of pressure to help him along. 

Daryl’s lips found their way to Jesus’ collarbone and he seemed to ignore his words. The pressure on Jesus’ stomach increased as Daryl bit into the skin on his neck. 

“Daryl, you with me?” This was new, but Jesus was fairly certain that with the lack of verbal response he was getting from Daryl, it meant he had dissociated from what he was doing. “Let me turn around. You are hurting me.” 

Daryl moaned into Jesus’ skin and his hand moved lower, down over the thin sleep bottoms Jesus wore to bed. Daryl’s hands were rough to the touch and he could feel his fingernails leaving marks on his skin on the way down. 

“Daryl, I’m going to move.” Jesus stopped Daryl’s hand from moving lower. He knew he could overpower Daryl but he hoped he wouldn’t have to given his state. Daryl’s hand fought with his own and Jesus tried to plead to his emotions to get him to listen. “Daryl, stop. You are hurting me.” 

Daryl tried to bite at his skin again and Jesus quickly moved so he could lie on top of Daryl to replace the pressure he was seeking. Lying face to face on top of Daryl, Jesus could smell the strong scent of alcohol on his breath. Daryl must have drank a lot to smell that strongly. 

It wasn’t like Daryl to drink like this and Jesus wondered what had happened at Aaron’s house to get him to such a state. He thought Aaron was more responsible than this as well. 

Daryl’s hands moved out of the loose grip Jesus had on them and moved to press against Jesus’ ass. It seemed to calm Daryl some so Jesus allowed it. 

“Daryl, you there?” The light in the room was dim but he could see Daryl’s face. His eyes looked blank and Jesus knew he wasn’t really in the room with him. “Okay, this is how we are going to do this. I’m going to let you keep your hands on me as long as you don’t hurt me. You don’t want to hurt me, right? I’m going to lie down on your chest and push you more into the bed. We are going to go to sleep and then we can talk about this in the morning. Once your head doesn’t feel like it wants to explode. Okay? Okay. Good night.” 

Jesus followed what he told Daryl he was going to do and then whispered the rest to himself. “And then I’m going to have a long discussion with Aaron about drinking responsibly.” 

Jesus settled into the feeling of Daryl underneath him. This felt familiar now and Jesus found he slept the best lying on top of him. Daryl was still wearing his day clothes, but Jesus was not going to chance moving to get him out of them. After a few minutes, the even rise and fall of Daryl’s chest allowed Jesus to fall back into sleep. 

He woke in what felt like only a few short minutes later to Daryl’s hands digging into the skin on his back. Daryl either was attempting to move Jesus down or remove his pants, he wasn’t sure which. 

“Hey, hey.” Jesus covered Daryl’s hands as best he could at the angle and stopped Daryl’s fingernails from digging into his back. “No hurting. Nice hands.” 

Daryl grunted and Jesus took Daryl’s hand off him completely, holding them down against the bed. Daryl fought against the weight on his arms and Jesus pressed them deeper into the bed. 

“Fuckin’ get off me.” Daryl’s voice strained as he attempted to move under Jesus’ strong hold. 

“Daryl, I’m not going to let you hurt me.” Jesus spoke gently as he tried to ease up on his hold. Daryl pushed up harder and his hands found their way back to Jesus’ back. “Stop it.” 

Jesus removed the hands again and this time stood up off the bed. Getting his body into protective mode, Jesus stood watching the bed, waiting for him to move. Daryl moved his hands up to his face, covering it from Jesus’ view. 

Soon afterward, Daryl was out and his hands relaxed. His breathing evened out and Jesus knew he had either fallen under or asleep. 

“Fuck.” Jesus pushed back his hair and turned his body to attempt to see his back. From what he could see at the angle and in the darkness of the early morning, there were deep red marks where Daryl’s fingernails had been digging into him.

Gathering himself, Jesus let his hair fall down and took a few deeper breaths. After putting on a shirt and moving a chair closer to the bed, Jesus sat and watched as Daryl slept. 

Daryl had never hurt him like that, even when he wasn’t aware. Something must have happened to set him off and Jesus was fairly certain that it had something to do with Aaron. 

Or maybe their time at the warehouse. 

Fuck, that had been insane. 

Daryl was allowing himself to take more of what he wanted without constantly asking for permission. Jesus told him he could do anything he wanted and he would stop him if he crossed a line, but Daryl had been hesitant to act fully on that blanket statement. Jesus respected the reasons why Daryl put so much importance on asking first, but dammit, if the mode hit and Daryl wanted something, do it. 

Shifting in his seat to find a more comfortable position, Jesus kicked a sack. The sack hadn’t been on the floor when he went to bed. It was the type of bag that people used to carry their stuff out of the communal store. 

Inside the bag was a small cucumber, a bottle of vegetable oil, and an empty bottle of whiskey. An odd combination of items. Jesus could only imagine the person’s face that assisted Daryl when he went to check out the items. 

The empty bottle of whiskey suggested maybe Daryl wasn’t just drinking with Aaron. That would explain Daryl’s breath and roughness in the bed. 

Jesus was confused with the other items until he thought on it and then shook his head. There was no way. 

“What were you going to do?” Jesus asked Daryl, still asleep lying in the same position as when he passed out. “Was this for us? I know you ain’t cooking me something. I know it is part of your charm, but if you would just talk to me about these things, we could save ourselves a lot of hassle.” 

Jesus put the items back into the bag and moved back to the bed. Lying down next to Daryl, Jesus studied his face and wondered what was going on inside his head. 

Jesus was getting better at reading him, and Daryl was getting better at opening up to him, but there were still walls upon walls protecting Daryl from fully being present with Jesus. 

In the morning, Daryl was gone and Jesus punched the bed in frustration. His fist hit a note left behind. On it was a quickly drawn sketch of their secret treehouse and three words written underneath- i need tym. 

*****

Aaron opened the door with his daughter struggling against his arm. She was small but mighty, with her little feet kicking and her fists balled up swinging at nothing. She was screaming nonsense words and her face was red. Aaron had learned to keep her back to his chest and slightly off to the side to have minimal areas she could hit that would cause him to keel over in pain. 

“Good morning.” Aaron smiled despite the screaming child in his hand. “What can I do you for?” 

“I’m sorry. You’re busy.” Jesus let his face relax and turned to walk away. He had a whole speech prepared in his head on the way over and he couldn’t give it with a screaming toddler yelling over him. “I’ll catch up with you later, when you are not so busy.” 

“This is 24/7 man.” Aaron laughed. The laughter got his daughter’s attention and she turned her head to look in his direction. 

Her small, red, tear-covered face broke out in a smile and she started laughing with him. Whatever toddler trauma-related thing that upset her was over and now she saw that there was another person at the door. She waved with her hand close to Jesus’ face. “Hi!” 

“Hello, how do you do?” Jesus bowed in the girl’s direction and raised his arm in greeting, much to her delight. 

“Hi!” She said again and wiped at her snotty nose with the back of her hand. Realizing that she was trapped in her father’s arm, she pushed against it. “Down, pee.” 

“Please.” Aaron corrected her and turned to set her down. She ran off to the pile of toys collected in the middle of the room and started repeating, “Pee. Pee. Pee.” 

“She is adorable.” Jesus gestured in her direction as he watched her dance around to her new song. 

“Sure. Adorable. Let’s go with adorable.” Aaron laughed and leaned his weight against the door frame. He was exhausted and had only been up for less than an hour. Realizing that Jesus was probably there based on his conversation with Daryl last night, Aaron smiled. “Did I cross a line?” 

“I’m not sure.” Jesus took his eyes off the girl and back to Aaron. “Daryl was here last night. I know that. He came back smelling like alcohol, you do that?” 

“He had probably a drink and a half here.” Aaron thought back. “Nothing strong, just some wine I found on a run. And I fed him. Real food.” 

“He came home late. And smelling like he drank his weight.” Jesus moved his head to look around them and then leaned in closer, raising his eyebrows on the last few words. “You guys have a chat about anything in particular?” 

“Kind of.” Aaron smiled and stood back to allow Jesus entry. Once the door was shut, he looked toward his daughter and then offered him a seat in the kitchen. They could keep an eye on her while they talked. 

“He told you?” Jesus asked. He knew Daryl talked to Aaron about things, but he wasn’t sure the full extent of their conversations. If Daryl wasn’t Daryl, Jesus would be worried about how close the two were, but he knew there was nothing romantic between them.

“Basically.” Aaron nodded his head and gave a knowing smile. “He said you taste sweet and there is really only one way to take that.” 

Sensory seeking person that he knew and loved, Jesus thought as he tried to find the next question. Oh course he mentioned something like Jesus tasting good. 

Aaron continued without him asking. 

“I told him a bit about sex between men and he had a few questions.” Aaron leaned onto the table and waited to make sure he didn’t have a negative reaction from Jesus before he continued. “I don’t want to overstep my place, or his confidence in me, but I believe he hasn’t had much experience with that. At least good experiences.” 

Jesus gave a small nod of his head but didn’t want to say more. He wasn’t sure what Daryl had shared with Aaron and he was not going to betray the trust between them. 

“We don’t have to get into all that without him here, but it was a general conversation.” Aaron leaned back a bit nervous with the direction of the topic. “Basics of communication with a sexual partner and preparing yourself, or the other person, for intercourse. The gay sex version of the Birds and the Bees.” 

So, Jesus was right when he saw the items in the bag. At least, he had a general idea of what Daryl was doing with the items now. Whatever plans Daryl had for the items did not happen as the items were still in the bag in their house. 

“He left here fine. Made some smart comment about me staying away from my motorcycle and he walked himself back to you. It wasn’t that late. Maybe around ten?” Aaron heard his daughter screech and turned to look at her, but found she was just attacking a block with another block. Hopefully she would wear herself out and take a nap. And he could take a nap as well. 

“He must have stopped at the store on the way home.” Jesus started and hesitated with the next part. Deciding to keep it simple, Jesus kept the other items to himself. “He must have drank the whiskey bottle on the way home.” 

Another loud sound came from the living room and Jesus took his opportunity to leave while Aaron tended to his daughter. 

*****

Daryl had full intentions of hiding out in his special room at the treehouse until whatever weirdness that was going on with him would pass. However, as he sat in the room, Daryl felt alone and irritable. 

His head hurt from his hangover, and for some reason, the back of his throat and his biceps hurt. 

He remembered bits and pieces of his night. 

Aaron sharing information with him and Daryl going to the community store. 

There was no one there because it was late at night so Daryl jumped the small fence and walked around until he found what he was looking for among the produce.

The gardens had produced many items that would fit his needs, with Daryl finding a small dick shaped cucumber quickly among the large pile of them. Not that Jesus was small, but Daryl wanted to see if he could handle something that size before worrying about anything bigger. 

The vegetable oil was a natural solution for the lack of lube in the store. Or maybe Daryl had overlooked the lube section considering he had never needed to bother with it before. There also were no condoms he could find. 

He found the stash of alcohol on the way out. 

Daryl normally did not drink liquor. 

At least anymore. It was a Dixon curse that the liquid made all the men turn into complete assholes. 

But the little bit of wine Aaron offered him was not going to give him the courage to do what he wanted to try. 

Daryl was only going to have a few drinks of the bottle and then go home to Jesus to have the talk. The talk that Aaron said they needed to have and that Jesus apparently was waiting to have with him. 

Daryl knew absolutely nothing about relationships, but maybe Jesus thought Daryl already knew they needed to have a conversation and he was just waiting for Daryl to bring it up. 

Punching the pillow behind his head, Daryl stretched out further onto the old mattress and willed his body to rest. 

He wanted Jesus’ weight on him, but you cannot have distance from someone and also have the luxury of their weight pressing down on all the right spots of your body. 

He tried to trick himself into believing Jesus’ weight was on him last time he hid out in the treehouse, but there was no substitute for a warm body on top of you. 

Brushing his lips with the tips of his fingers, Daryl tried to mimic the feel of Jesus’ lips on his own and failed. 

A memory of Daryl stood outside his house flashed in his head at the contact of his finger on his lip. He had tried to mimic blowing someone with the cucumber. He was drunk and pushed too hard back, thus why the back of his throat hurt. 

He remembered thinking that if it hurt to do that, there was no way that cucumber was going anywhere near his ass. 

He would leave it for Jesus. If he wanted to use it because Daryl wasn’t able to put a dick inside him, like Aaron so missed, then at least Jesus would have something like Aaron did. 

Groaning at his stupidity, Daryl sat up and took a deeper breath. 

This wasn’t working. 

Being alone was always a comfort, but now he felt unease being away from him. 

Little shithead had gotten stuck in Daryl’s head. 

Picking up his crossbow and overnight bag, Daryl started back toward the direction of the community. 

Back toward Jesus. 

To have the talk. 

His grandmother had always said he would have a ‘coming to Jesus moment.’ 

Daryl wondered if she quite knew what that would mean for him.


	4. Chapter 4

Jesus did not say anything when Daryl returned to their house. 

He was reading a book and tracking Daryl’s movements with his eyes at the same time. Daryl knew because he knew Jesus. 

Daryl put his bow away and placed his sack next to the bed, he would deal with the contents later. 

Daryl stood next to the bed for three breaths and then moved in closer to Jesus sat in the chair. 

Blocking the light with his body, Daryl got the response he was looking for and Jesus looked up to him. 

“Honey, I’m home?” Jesus gave him a gentle smile. He was messing with him, but also realizing that he needed to gauge the situation more before doing anything else. “Feel better?” 

Daryl shrugged his shoulders because he wasn’t sure. Being away did not help but maybe it allowed him to realize that running away wouldn’t work for this situation. At least not any longer. 

“No.” Daryl found himself saying after Jesus kept his eyes on him, not allowing the simple shrug of his shoulders as an answer. Jesus knew there was more and he wanted Daryl to have time to say it. “I do not feel better.” 

“I’m sorry.” Jesus shut the book and placed it to the side as he stood. “Can I help?” 

Jesus was close to him now and Daryl could feel his body heat. He could smell the hint of sweat on him and the unique smell that was all Jesus. 

He wished they didn’t have to talk about this. That he could just pull Jesus close to him, kiss him breathless, and hold him close as he pressed into him. But Aaron said that would hurt, and he did not want to hurt Jesus. And Aaron said that they needed to talk about this first, and Daryl knew Aaron knew that he was talking about. 

Aaron was shit with fixing bikes, but he knew people and relationships. 

Daryl was very much still learning all that. At least healthy relationships. 

Bad, fucked up ones, he was an expert. 

He knew how to hurt people and make them leave, he was taught that his whole life. 

He was never taught how to make someone stay. 

“Need ta talk.” Daryl answered and forced himself to keep his eyes up and on Jesus. They were on his right shoulder now, but that was probably as close as Daryl could get them. “About that.” 

Daryl had pointed to the bed and instantly felt stupid because he couldn’t say the word. 

“It does need a few nice sheets, huh? Maybe one of those dumb pillows that no one uses but you just take off the bed at night and then put back on the bed in the morning?” Jesus smirked and saw that Daryl’s eyes were on his shoulder. The fact that they were even having this conversation was progress. 

Jesus thought that Daryl was going to retreat away longer than what he had. 

Small steps, but still leading in the right direction. 

“What?” Daryl actually raised his eyes to Jesus at that, because he had no idea what the fuck Jesus was talking about. Daryl was talking about sex and Jesus was talking about pillows? 

“Hello.” Jesus smiled and took another step closer. He got Daryl’s eyes to his face and he wanted to try and keep them there a bit longer. “I’m glad you are back.” 

Daryl nodded his head because he was too. Despite the dread he felt at having to talk about this, Daryl liked to be near Jesus. 

He understood Jesus, at least for the most part. Whatever fucking pillows he was talking about were still a mystery. 

“Did you have a scary conversation with Aaron?” Jesus brushed his hand down Daryl’s arm and waited to see the reaction. He figured it would go one of either ways. Either Daryl was going to completely blank out on him or he was going to just spill his guts all at once. 

“Said we needed ta talk.” Daryl looked to Jesus’ hand on his arm and wanted them to be closer. He stepped in and put his arm around Jesus’ back and pulled him in. That was better. 

Daryl could feel Jesus breathing and the soft hair on his head resting against his chin. And, from this angle, he didn’t have to worry about looking at his face. 

“I want to talk to you.” Jesus wrapped both his arms around Daryl’s back and felt him trembling slightly against him. Pressing his hands into Daryl’s back, he made small circles with his fists hoping that would give him enough physical input to stay aware. “Want to talk about sex?”

“Yes.” Daryl felt his voice get rough and he allowed his mind to feel the movements Jesus was making on his back. That was new, but he liked it. “I don’t want any’thing up my ass.” 

“Okay.” Jesus nodded his head against Daryl’s chest. Even if he wasn’t hearing him, he could feel the movement. “I like that. At least when it is done right and with someone that I care about.” 

“Tried to do it. But couldn’t.” Daryl stepped in half an inch more and found he couldn’t get any closer. “Went ta the store. On the way back. The other night.” 

“And then drank yourself into a right asshole?” Jesus tried to keep his tone light, but he felt Daryl start to pull away and he allowed him to go. “It is okay. I handled it. Do you remember?” 

“Only that...I wanted you.” Daryl swallowed and fought to keep his eyes on Jesus. He settled for his shoulder again and became focused on a random strand of hair that was laying across his shoulder. “I didn’t...didn’t hurt you?” 

“No.” Jesus said clearly. He knew he needed to drop his typical smartass remarks with this. “You did not hurt me. I can handle myself. And you.” 

“I didn’t mean. I mean, I didn’t.” Daryl felt his mouth go dry and he wanted to leave but he also really wanted to stay. He could see a number in his head and he wondered if he needed to start counting. The hair on Jesus’ shoulder moved and it brought Daryl back to the room. 

Jesus was reading again and had brushed the hair falling on his shoulder back. 

How long was he out?

“Back?” Jesus once again closed the book and stood toward him. “You left for a few minutes. Not long.” 

Daryl nodded his head and felt the unease that came with blanking out. Pressing into a cut on his hand, Daryl looked around the room and then back to Jesus. The unease was leaving him, but slowly. 

Daryl found the bed and sat on it. Not trusting himself to not blank out again. 

“We don’t have to do anything that you are not comfortable with.” Jesus sat next to him on the bed. His leg was underneath his and made him as tall as Daryl next to him. “Honestly. I love you. I love what we have. If we want to do more, we will get there.” 

“I feel…” Daryl swallowed and pressed harder on the cut. Fucking feelings and needing to talk about them. “I want more. Around you...I want more. My pants get tight and I want…” 

“Tell me. I’m listening. No judgment. Honest.” Jesus hesitated before he put his hand on Daryl’s arm. Daryl was using that hand to push into a cut on his other hand. But he wanted to show him that he knew what he was doing and he was understanding of it. “I have dreams about you lying me down in bed and pushing your dick into me. About us breathing together and you making me feel amazing because of what we are doing. And because it is you that I am doing it with. I think about you having your fingers on me and in me. About you kissing me there. About me kissing you there. I think about all of it. It is natural.” 

Jesus knew that he would have to normalize this and that Daryl likely had years and years of internalized homophobia to work through to say the same words back to him. 

“I want…” Daryl tried again but the words were not coming to him. How could Jesus just say all those words and keep breathing like normal? “Fuck, I want it.” 

“Okay.” Jesus slid in closer and rested his chin on Daryl’s shoulder. His hand moved to Daryl’s stomach and he kept it there. “Can I touch you?” 

Daryl nodded his head and used the hand with the cut to push down on Jesus’ hand on his stomach. 

Jesus had his pants undone before Daryl realized it and his hand was now on him. A gentle pressure that Daryl knew Jesus was using to see if he was going to stay aware or not. 

Jesus pressed his chin into Daryl’s shoulder and increased his grip on his dick. Daryl was breathing deeper now and his hand stayed with Jesus’. 

“Can I take off more clothes?” Jesus stopped his movement for a minute to get Daryl’s full attention. 

Daryl found himself saying yes and he helped remove the clothes. 

Daryl’s hands reached for Jesus’ shirt and then he waited. Jesus nodded his head and the rest of their clothes were removed. 

Jesus took Daryl back in his hand and kept the same movement as before. Daryl's hand was moving down to him and he opened his legs a bit more to allow him better access. 

Jesus closed his eyes at the touch and let out a slight moan. Daryl might be inexperienced in this, but he knew how to touch. 

“I like this.” Jesus felt he needed to talk them through it. “I like your hands on me.” 

Daryl let out a low moan and tried to say the same, but his mouth didn’t work. He hoped that the sounds were telling Jesus the same. 

“You can touch my ass.” Jesus kept his tone neutral again and allowing Daryl to know that it was only a suggestion and not a demand. 

438\. 

Daryl moved his hand back and touched the bare flesh of Jesus’ ass. His fingers pressed into the soft skin there and he had to bite into Jesus’ neck to stay aware. 

431\. 

Jesus felt the pain in his neck but he was going to allow it if it kept Daryl with him. Daryl’s hand was moving toward where his cheeks separated, with his hand shaking the whole way. 

424\. 

Daryl felt where the soft skin split and rested his fingers there. Jesus’ hand was still on his dick and he knew he was still there. 

417\. 

Jesus pushed his hips back and moved his leg up, so there was natural space opened for Daryl’s fingers. 

410\. 

Daryl felt his blood pressure spiking and he knew he likely only had a few more moments before he was out. 

Moving his fingers in, Daryl was struck by the heat. His hands had been inside animals before, but he didn’t realize how warm he would be. 

403\. 

Daryl’s finger pressed against the raised, textured bit of skin and he knew he was leaving. 

He tried to bite into Jesus’ shoulder again, but the darkness came over his eyes and he…

Jesus felt him slip away and he groaned into the mattress. 

He was still hard and had Daryl lying on top of half of him. Daryl’s hand went limp around his dick and Jesus moved back. 

He respected Daryl not to touch him when he dissociated like this. 

Pressing the heel of his hand against himself, he closed his eyes and willed his erection away. 

When that didn’t happen, he used his own hand and finished relatively quickly. 

Throwing a blanket over Daryl, Jesus put his own clothes on and sat on the edge of the bed. 

What was he going to do with this?


End file.
